Memories are a function of their substance

Memories are generally personal and unique to each person. However, not all of our life experiences are memorable. The ones that are truly treasured are a core part of our self. Why is this so? My submission is that substance is the cornerstone of building a life with great memories. The more the substance, the more we cherish those memories and the more we draw from them, and the more we gravitate towards them. Perhaps, this is far more personal and far deeper than we think it is. 

The word substance in the context of life's memories is one of the most abstract human experiences. This is especially true in our initial years when our mind is not yet fully developed and we are still absorbing many things like a sponge. More often than not, that is the time of our lives when we make the deepest bonds with people we eventually care about for life and form the core environment that contributes to who we are. These abstract life experiences, replete with substance, tend to sustain over long periods of time. The simpler they are, the more meaningful they become. 

Here are a handful of examples (with our most cherished friend(s)) - e.g. going to a cafe nearby, reading books together, waking up each other from one another's house early in the morning, being the first to wish each other on a birthday, going out on a weekend trip, writing long letters to each other and pouring every emotion and thought into it, visiting a library together, going on long walks together, sharing an ice cream, sitting at a bus stop for hours together, attending/not attending class together, watching a movie, looking deep into each other's eyes and knowing precisely what the other person is going through without a word being uttered, offering help without one ever asking for it, or just sitting in a coffee shop and looking at each other and engaging in the deepest conversations possible, or showing up at your friend's house unannounced on his/her birthday, etc.. 

Alternatively, these experiences could also be long conversations with one's sibling. Or, visiting a temple together with your friend and/or family. Or, talking for hours together with your partner about gaining strength to face life. Or, taking the trouble of crossing the entire city just to be with your friend for an entire afternoon. And so on. 

Each of the above instances may appear to be an individual activity. But, a series of these activities, performed over an entire generation with our most cherished mates/family and in the environment that we are used to, becomes the cornerstone of our life's substance. Interestingly, none of these fond memories have a gadget or technology attached to them. They are pure experiences with a human to human connect. They last a lifetime.

The obvious question is, why do our deepest memories feel that much more special than other life experiences? I am convinced that this is a function of the depth, relevance and meaning of those memories to our lives. They form the core of our identity, our thinking and our psyche. Anything new and relevant is good to know but is most likely not something we relate to easily. We love to hold on to what we know, and to what we have and with the people who matter to us. We have familiarity zones to draw from and from the environment that we most naturally associate ourselves with.

We may traverse this earth and see different places and even live in different parts of the world. However, if we are true to ourselves, it is hard to replicate our feeling of belongingness to any other place except to the place of our origin. That feeling is such an overpowering force that it constantly reminds us of who we really are. There is strong merit in saying 'home sweet home'!

In many instances, I have experienced an elevated sense of emotion and thrill of recounting great memories, only (and purely) because those special moment(s) were intrinsically attached to a person. In other words, those moment(s) with anyone else, would not have any relevance or meaning in life. That is a high that has no parallel in human emotion. As they say, ''Life is short. Spend it with people who make you laugh and feel loved''. I was truly lucky in experiencing those highs, which can and never will be replicated with anyone else. Those moment(s) are treasured as a celebration of life!

Borrowing a quote from a Twitter (rather X) feed, ''Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eye''. When one gets to experience that and also enjoy the original environment of one's life, it helps us understand why substance, over anything else, matters the most. And how most of us will cherish precisely those moments, eventually!

Can time do anything except change the time on the clock?

The primary function of a clock is to move time forward. Seconds to minutes to hours to days to weeks to months to years, and eventually to decades and centuries. However, in our lifetime, does human emotion change towards people in our lives (current or past) with the passage of time? Or, is human emotion towards people who matter to us, a core part of the identity of who we are?

Mankind is known to progress into successive generations using this natural evolution that is fundamentally measured in time. Of course, in the modern world, technological changes manifest themselves with great velocity and makes one wonder if the future is already here, or whether an evolution is still underway. However, while are alive, the evolution taking place in our era is obviously unique to that point in time. And the individual evolution (physical and emotional) that each one of us experiences in the era that we live in, is supremely unique.

It is particularly hard to assess human emotions that run deep for either personal materialistic things or for fellow human beings who matter. Perhaps, the emotion for materialistic possessions is a lot easier to manage, as there may be an opportunity to get something newer, bigger or better. That option, sadly, is not necessarily or easily available when it comes to our deep emotions towards fellow human beings. Typically, our emotion towards the people who matter to us is an individual feeling that cannot be replaced easily by anybody else who may be newer, bigger or better!

To my mind, there is simply no template to managing human emotion towards our chosen fellow mates i.e. the way we connect with these special people initially, decides the nature of the emotion that we have towards him/her. That first emotion may be either pleasant or unpleasant, or at best, neutral. The depth of the emotion that evolves later is undefined i.e. the ticking clock may manifest itself into a deep, personal, lasting relationship with the other person(s), or the ticking clock may only provide a relationship that is passe. Human emotion, decides how deep it would like such an association with the fellow mate to be. The ticking clock does not decide that.

When it comes to our interactions with fellow human beings who we care deeply about, I am convinced that the depth of our emotion towards them has a way of influencing us in many ways. Be it a close friend from our younger days (usually, this has an impact for life), or a professional colleague who becomes a mate, or a client who turns into a great friend/associate, or any other scenario where human beings interact in a very meaningful way - the result is essentially a function of how deeply the core values we hold dear has a correlation with the core values of the other individual(s). More the overlap in these core values, greater the chance of a lifetime bond. And interestingly, trust (and not time), defines how deep the bond will be.

In most cases, once that trust is established and the fundamental human emotion decides to include the individual(s) into one's life, the role of a ticking clock then plays its part i.e. we spend extraordinary number of hours (or even years) with people who end up meaning the world to us. Here, the function of time enables us to discover the depth of our human emotion for our chosen fellow homo sapiens, enjoy the many life experiences with him/her/them and relish the opportunities to build extraordinary memories that last a lifetime. What makes this combination even more memorable (and therefore deeper), is when the emotion that we have towards the other person(s) is reciprocated in equal measure (if not more!). Greater/longer the association, greater/longer is the depth of the emotion towards the individual(s).

What still astounds me, is that the relationships developed in our formative years, when we are at our most impressionable, has the deepest meaning and the greatest emotional connect that we can possibly ever have. It may just be a function of the age and the time when our lives are getting formulated, but those bonds have a way of remaining special long into our lives. Seriously, a lovely feeling to experience!

In this context, the passage of time does absolutely nothing i.e. the world may change in front of us, we may not be in touch with the other individual(s), we may cross continents, or be in different places in the same country, or be completely disconnected with one another, but the depth of our emotion for our chosen fellow mate(s) is extraordinarily resilient. We don't even realise the depth of this emotion given the general structure of a busy life. What is staggering is that this human emotion can easily be elevated, enhanced, enriched and enjoyed at even greater proportions than at the original time of connect, without our even realising it - especially when the opportunity to reconnect presents itself. The bond is the core, and that bond is not bounded by location or time. Staggeringly true!

Of course, there could be the other extreme that what was once an extraordinarily strong bond with a fellow human being(s) turns into a relationship that completely disintegrates, dissipates or discontinues for different reasons. Interestingly, in this scenario as well, the emotion for the individual(s) can continue to remain strong (positive or negative), even after the disconnect. Sadly, this is something that we have consciously manage and ensure that it does not hinder the rest of our lives i.e. human beings are not wired to naturally recover from lost connections that once mattered (and perhaps continue to matter, even after the association ended). 

In summary, there is a huge difference in the actual association with individual(s), and the emotion for that individual(s). The emotion lasts, even if the relationship may/may not last. In a hyperconnected world, it is refreshing to note that human emotion is still unique, alive, special and is something that continues to define us. The evolution of time simply cannot take away a core part of who we are. Let the clock tick over, but may we continue to enjoy real emotions with real human beings who matter deeply to us.