In many ways, death they say, is the ultimate truth (maybe, taxes are the other close competitor!). But, for as long as man has known the world, the end to a human being's life is considered death. I have however, often wondered, what may be the end of the world, while a human being is still around. Based on whatever little I have seen of life till date, I am inclined to believe that ostracisation or the act of deliberate exclusion of a human being from a social circle or a group that he/she was otherwise a regular part of, is the ultimate piece of agony that one can experience when alive. I am convinced that COVID-19, is having the exact same effect on many of us, as ostracisation does.
There are certain elements associated in getting ostracised that clearly demonstrate its extremity. And those elements are innate to how human beings are configured. For starters, man is a social being and is a function of the associations he/she has with people near and dear to him/her. This social interaction and innate ability to form, develop, nurture, and eventually cherish deep associations with near and dear ones, has a supreme effect on a person's psyche. Generally, they are positive. Such associations are a part of a person's mental configuration, symbolises the types of associations he/she cherishes, and has positive vibes which enter a sub-conscious level.
However, the act of ostracisation, defeats all the above innate elements of a person's social and psychological framework i.e. ostracisation is deliberate, intentional, and extremely pointed. It is akin to a part of a human being's life being taken away, when still alive. This act has immense implications that are highly underrated. Here are a few that I have observed over time:
- The human psyche is not used to disassociation i.e. the social elements of a human being's make up, is not wired to handle disconnection from other humans.
- The mental make-up of a person finds it hard to justify not being included, or more specifically, excluded by intent in a social group/setting that he/she was always a part of. This usually becomes harder to handle if the ostracisation comes from quarters that a person cherished the most.
- Reasons for getting ostracised are never communicated directly by the party that is engaging in that act. Usually, the ostracisation is done in style, with an extremely polite or impersonal tone, that the aggrieved party (one being ostracised) does not process well at the time.
- Very specific disassociation by a select few, leading to further disassociation by other related parties, tends to impact the psyche even more i.e, a few people may choose to ostracise you for reasons best known to them. But there may be others who see that and extend the same courtesy to you, for reasons not known at all!
- There is absolutely no room for communication, negotiation, discussion, or your point of view being heard, when you are ostracised. It is generally a statement by the party that eliminates you from a group, which has the effect of, 'I am done with you, deal with it!'. Sounds like a movie dialogue, but this tends to be the case, more often than not!
Usually, being ostracised by one's nearest and dearest is what causes the greatest harm on one's psyche. It may be circumstantial. However, the act of ostracisation itself is done with the view to make the dismissed person, feel miserable with his/her life. This is a condition that the human psyche is simply not configured to handle. And the typical response is anger, or retaliation, or some such aggressive act.
Interestingly, no aggressive counteracting measure by the person who is ostracised, is going to help the aggrieved party or anyone else. If anything, aggression is the last thing an ostracised person should to. One needs to be calm, measured, considerate and extremely patient. Diversion of spare time (that would have otherwise been spent with the erstwhile cherished group that one was a part of) into more productive areas is a clear act of coping with ostracisation. Getting busy with life is another clear act of dealing with the excruciating feeling of ostracisation from one's social circle/group. Developing new approaches or interests to life helps cope with being dismissed.
These options are easier to write about, than to do. But, since one cannot and does not control what other people do on this planet, the only option left is to control oneself and find coping mechanisms to deal with ostracisation. I am not entirely sure about seeking medical help, but that perhaps depends on the extremity of the impact on a person from such ostracisation.
In the last 15 months of extreme and deliberate disconnect from the real world, I have come to realise that ostracisation has its many forms. The post COVID-19 world is a hyper-connected world. But, even now, the human psyche is not configured to replace social interaction or social inclusiveness, with a gadget or an app. That, should explain what the impact of ostracisation in normal times or in extreme times, may mean.
