For many of us, our growing years (depending on the country and culture we grew up in), has one key theme that is generally common i.e. living up to other people's expectations. What gets displaced in this notion, is the inability to understand our self-worth. Severely.
For years, we are told that we need to grow up to be this or that. Or, that ambition is the greater driver of success. Or, the environment or societal structure around us automatically infests us with comparability against peers. Nowhere in any of these demarcations is the ability to track, appreciate and reward an individual for his/her own individual worth. It almost appears that the definition of success is already prescribed, pre-written and one has to largely learn the rules to demonstrate the so-called Neighbour's version of your success (see last paragraph).
The definitive demarcation of class divide (in this respect, and not otherwise), is in the grading system that automatically indicates where a student may stack up, long before he/she has understood his/her own potential. Other indicators of this self-inflicted societal damage i.e. other person's opinion about you, include cars and brands that one uses, lifestyle choices on display, and the like. Most people who 'view' this success of the 'other', hardly ever check the liability side of the balance sheet of life. Sadly, that is how physical assets are by nature! If only goodwill and innate skills were measured with equal gusto and fanfare! But I guess they are not visible.
And that is the key - success is directly proportional to the 'visibility of success'. Like they say in the legal world, justice should be delivered, and equally so, justice should be seen to be delivered. It is extraordinary, in the times that we live in, that the other man/woman's certificate carries so much of weight in defining life choices and one's perceived measurement of success.
For example, if a tennis player or any sportsperson were to measure his/her success against say, a Roger Federer, or a Rahul Dravid, or a Don Bradman, or a Pele, the player is going to be disappointed. Not because the current player is not as good as those folks. But the disappointment is more on account of the baseline that is set even before a match begins. What most people simply forget is the individual brilliance of a select few (like the names mentioned) that shone through and made them household names in their sport. It is impractical, and near impossible for others that follow, to be seen in the same grade. At best, the next group that follows the prior group, can build on top of what was done earlier.
It is precisely here, that the templates of 'visible' success I refer to above, falls flat on its face i.e. the broad rules of success get rewritten in every era. Sadly, societal behaviour and perception, take a longer time to evolve.
I recently learnt of an incredible real-life story of a gentleman (who I do not know) in Netherlands. Here was a person who was brushing shoulders with the who's who of the corporate world globally, had access to most things that commoners could only dream of, flew in his own private jet etc. Living the dream, as the say.
After many years, this person decided to leave the corporate world and live in a remote part of Netherlands. In one instance, an Indian friend of mine (who was in the executive's team earlier), called him asking for guidance on travel options and sigh-seeing places in Netherlands, for somebody who was visiting from India. In particular, the enquiry was about a couple of places not frequented by international travellers.
Upon hearing this, this former corporate hotshot apparently told my friend that the visitor from India can contact him and he would be glad to take the visitor on a tour. My friend was surprised to hear this, as it is generally not reasonable to expect an ex-corporate biggie to be so generous with his time. It was then that this former Dutch corporate executive indicated to my friend that he was now a local tourist guide, and that he was enjoying it more than the old corporate job. Going back to where I started this article, did this gentleman live up to people's expectations? Or not? Or, did he define his own version of what he thought right and just. And arguably, enjoyed himself the most.
As the old Indian TV brand, Onida, had in its tagline, Neighbours Envy, Owner's Pride. Perhaps, the focus should be on Owner's Pride i.e. the neighbours will form their opinion of the owner, any which way. Might as well focus on one's own definition of living up to one's own expectations.
