Interviewee to a Great Friend

It was 2007. We met in an office in Delhi. It was in a completely professional environment i.e., a girl by the name Ishita had applied for a job and I was conducting the interviews. The interview happened in a nice, air-conditioned conference room. All this seemed like a perfectly normal thing to occur in a company. Until the miracles of human relationships showed us its magic.

She was tall and strikingly beautiful. She spoke softly, clearly and answered every interview question with tremendous confidence. Her smile bamboozled me no end. I barely listened to her answers, as I was lost in her smile. That is how impressive she was (to look at!). Her intelligence and clarity of thought shone through the discussion.

I informed my VP that she should be hired. The VP thought otherwise and did not select her after his discussions with her. That was the end of that. Or, so it seemed.

Soon after the interview, I thanked Ishita for coming over and then went rushing to her friend who had referred her for the role. This friend, also worked in the same firm. I could not stop raving about Ishita's beauty (in hindsight, a very unprofessional remark to make) and kept saying how intelligent she was. My colleague smiled and said that Ishita was her closest friend and one of the smartest people around. And apparently, in the interim few minutes i.e., from the end of the interview till the time I got to my colleague's desk, Ishita had sent a WhatsApp message to her stating that she was impressed with me as well! Who said only boys check out girls?!

Interestingly, I am from the south of India (a Tamilian from Bangalore), and both these girls are from the east of India (Bengalis living in New Delhi). That is as far as diversity can get with everything different within the country- region, language, culture, dress codes, vegetarian vs non-vegetarian, personality, backgrounds, upbringing, and so on. But when minds and hearts connect, none of these differences come to the surface.

Ishita and I connected like fish in water. I met Ishita's son too, who was a cute kid at the time. We even hung out in a couple of places in Delhi, given that I was reasonably alien to the city. Of course, much after the interview we spoke both in Hindi and in English. I shared this blog page with her and she read many of them. And we pretty much shared our life history with each other. 

But, what was even more intriguing was the mesmerising tone of the Bengali language that I had always admired, and to listen to her speak so well. I was enamoured by the tone, the diction, the musicality of the language and the sheer artistic character of the way she spoke. Still am, to this day.

Ishita taught me what it means to be extraordinarily tough mentally and emotionally, based on all the harsh challenges she faced. I used to feel miserable that I could not do anything to help her resolve those challenges. My respect for her has grown manifold over time, and there is nothing that I will tolerate from anyone who has remotely anything negative to say about her. This lady will smile, and in doing so, will each us how to tackle life. Pure respect!

What is even more fascinating is that we met all of 5 times (at best!). I returned to Bangalore for another job and eventually moved abroad. We have not met since 2007. But the friendship is treasured to this day. It does not take beyond 1 second to reconnect even now. And to think, the interview lasted all of 30 minutes!

It was the most bizarre, yet seemingly the most natural association that ever happened to me. The type of conversations we had certainly is of the type that one can only have with folks who we can confide in, trust blindly, and have the complete confidence of never being judged. 

Since then, every time I conduct an interview, I remember that day in 2007. I have not made a single great friend after that day. I guess that is what is called, 'some scripts are written somewhere else. We are just the characters'.

This experience reinforces the belief that human beings are fundamentally configured to be social. To connect. We can connect at any level, and at any time, and in any situation.

May the miracles of human relationships long continue! And may this friendship that was certainly created by an act of God, in the given rare & improbable circumstances that it started in, long continue!

He taught us values, not just English

The world lost one of its greatest minds on 15 October 2021 with the demise of Mr. G.K. Govinda Rao (Link). The man was famous for his impeccable credentials as a thespian, thinker, and a political activist. But, he showed a privileged set of young, impressionable minds about 28 moons ago, a facade that will be treasured for those of us who experienced his class (literally & figuratively!). He was our English teacher when many of us from different schools in Bangalore city were beginning to find our feet in the early years of our college life. The fact that one can even dare to attempt penning a few lines about the great man, is testament to the impact he had on some of us. 

My earliest memory of GKG sir is that of a person with deep, piercing eyes with rimmed glasses and a baritone voice that engulfed our classrooms with supreme command over the English language. The first time I saw him was in 1993, when I entered college and saw him walk from the old staff room, climb up the old flight of stairs and make his way to the desk earmarked for teachers in the classroom. He wore coats (a rare phenomenon in that era) which seemed like they belonged to the English movies from yesteryear. But that was part of his personality i.e. the coat and the facade of the great man used to make me feel, ''boys and girls, I have seen life and its elements. Care to listen to what I might have to say, beyond your textbook?''. Not in as many words, but such was his presence and persona. Of course, his old-fashioned western coat blended perfectly with English, which is as western as it can get to begin with!

Beyond his outfits, his voice, his eyes and his glasses, I distinctly remember how quickly he demonstrated the essence of values and principles to many of us. A tad old-fashioned maybe, but I am very thankful that our batch belonged to an era that grew up without a gadget. We were able to concentrate on learning about human values from the great man, and those values continue to be meaningful to this day.

Yes, GKG sir taught us English as prescribed by our university. But, the manner in which he transformed our classroom atmosphere from a regular session to an imposing, highly charged, and extremely opinionated set up in a debate environment, is unforgettable. I do not remember most of the chapters from my English textbook. But I do remember how masterfully he nurtured our minds to think beyond the book, at a tender age of 15-16. Little did we realise that he was preparing us to think for ourselves.

A typical classroom debate had its cast of characters. Mainly, the toss up was between the last 5 rows (the intellectuals!) and the rest of the classroom. Most debates started with the least possible trigger i.e. a normal class would start with a chapter from our standard English textbook. But before we realised it, the atmosphere would transform itself into a high intensity, high decibel (yet polite!) and highly charged zone of its own. Back in 1993-94, it was unfathomable for any student to stand up to his/her teacher and debate. Or, even dare to have a point of view on anything. That was not the GKG style. He would actively participate in these debates and encourage us to discuss topics threadbare. These sessions were far more riveting than the textbook we had. 

The great man had a brilliant way of steering the class away from the standard script of our textbook and wringing in current affairs, politics, sports, drama/theatre, Indian history and so on, into the discussion. Remember, we were all at best 15 or 16 years old at the time and he impressed upon us, how to develop independent thought and opinion at that early age. Further, this enormously healthy but heated classroom environment was configured in a country that was not used to having any opinion on anything at that time. Most of us in the class barely had any exposure, experience or knowledge about the things in the world. And here was a man positively influencing teenagers to take a stance on the greatest challenges of that era! If that is not being far ahead of your times, I do not know what else is.

The all-time classic was the Mahatma Gandhi debate in 1994 - from the back of the class to the front, we would watch GKG sir's piercing eyes making a stronger point than his baritone voice did. He would up the ante and be even more wax eloquent than he normally was, when students took an opposite stance to his on M.K.Gandhi. Worth watching!

It helped immensely that he was by that stage of his life, running a parallel career as a thespian i.e. we saw his magnificent dramatic skills weave its magic with fantastic voice modulation, eye contact, and cheeks that would turn crimson when he made his point vociferously. In a college classroom, not at the drama school! It was a true masterclass that had a complete package of how to present oneself to a group with force, clarity, diction and enormous passion. None of this was from our textbook. But many of us learnt a lot more than what our textbook had to offer. To say that it was pulsating or gripping to watch, is an understatement.

Long before we entered first B.Com, we were told about GKG sir's mastery over Julius Caesar and his command over the life's work of William Shakespeare. Our seniors used to tell us that he made these all-time classics relatable to the world that we were living in. He sure did live up to that reputation. With the same, old-fashioned coat too! Ours was the last batch he taught in his year of retirement. Though I don't remember much of the content, I am eternally proud that I did not bunk even one of his classes!

I often think of the famous poem by Robert Frost, 'The Road Not Taken'. And I ponder over its famous opening lines, ''Two roads diverged in a yellow wood'' - those lines (and the poem) personify life. The poem teaches us that the paths of our lives are uncharted and we need enormous strength to navigate these paths. Some of those paths will diverge into realms of unimaginable proportions and with extreme intensity (positive/negative). We may/may not be equipped to handle the crossroads that emerge. The divergence and the degree of such divergence, can shake our core beliefs or reinforce them and thereby have lasting impact either way. Thing is, when we enter a path, we have absolutely no clue what is in store. Or, even the fair idea that we think we have, can change drastically (positively or negatively).

In all likelihood, that is what GKG sir would want us to do - learn and understand our own paths to the best of our abilities and our emotions, become strong enough to navigate those paths and work towards building a better tomorrow. Thank you, sir. It was a privilege to be in your classroom. You and your lessons will long be remembered and treasured. RIP.

Neighbour's Envy, Owner's Pride

For many of us, our growing years (depending on the country and culture we grew up in), has one key theme that is generally common i.e. living up to other people's expectations. What gets displaced in this notion, is the inability to understand our self-worth. Severely.

For years, we are told that we need to grow up to be this or that. Or, that ambition is the greater driver of success. Or, the environment or societal structure around us automatically infests us with comparability against peers. Nowhere in any of these demarcations is the ability to track, appreciate and reward an individual for his/her own individual worth. It almost appears that the definition of success is already prescribed, pre-written and one has to largely learn the rules to demonstrate the so-called Neighbour's version of your success (see last paragraph).

The definitive demarcation of class divide (in this respect, and not otherwise), is in the grading system that automatically indicates where a student may stack up, long before he/she has understood his/her own potential. Other indicators of this self-inflicted societal damage i.e. other person's opinion about you, include cars and brands that one uses, lifestyle choices on display, and the like. Most people who 'view' this success of the 'other', hardly ever check the liability side of the balance sheet of life. Sadly, that is how physical assets are by nature! If only goodwill and innate skills were measured with equal gusto and fanfare! But I guess they are not visible.

And that is the key - success is directly proportional to the 'visibility of success'. Like they say in the legal world, justice should be delivered, and equally so, justice should be seen to be delivered. It is extraordinary, in the times that we live in, that the other man/woman's certificate carries so much of weight in defining life choices and one's perceived measurement of success. 

For example, if a tennis player or any sportsperson were to measure his/her success against say, a Roger Federer, or a Rahul Dravid, or a Don Bradman, or a Pele, the player is going to be disappointed. Not because the current player is not as good as those folks. But the disappointment is more on account of the baseline that is set even before a match begins. What most people simply forget is the individual brilliance of a select few (like the names mentioned) that shone through and made them household names in their sport. It is impractical, and near impossible for others that follow, to be seen in the same grade. At best, the next group that follows the prior group, can build on top of what was done earlier. 

It is precisely here, that the templates of 'visible' success I refer to above, falls flat on its face i.e. the broad rules of success get rewritten in every era. Sadly, societal behaviour and perception, take a longer time to evolve.

I recently learnt of an incredible real-life story of a gentleman (who I do not know) in Netherlands. Here was a person who was brushing shoulders with the who's who of the corporate world globally, had access to most things that commoners could only dream of, flew in his own private jet etc. Living the dream, as the say.

After many years, this person decided to leave the corporate world and live in a remote part of Netherlands. In one instance, an Indian friend of mine (who was in the executive's team earlier), called him asking for guidance on travel options and sigh-seeing places in Netherlands, for somebody who was visiting from India. In particular, the enquiry was about a couple of places not frequented by international travellers.

Upon hearing this, this former corporate hotshot apparently told my friend that the visitor from India can contact him and he would be glad to take the visitor on a tour. My friend was surprised to hear this, as it is generally not reasonable to expect an ex-corporate biggie to be so generous with his time. It was then that this former Dutch corporate executive indicated to my friend that he was now a local tourist guide, and that he was enjoying it more than the old corporate job. Going back to where I started this article, did this gentleman live up to people's expectations? Or not? Or, did he define his own version of what he thought right and just. And arguably, enjoyed himself the most.

As the old Indian TV brand, Onida, had in its tagline, Neighbours Envy, Owner's Pride. Perhaps, the focus should be on Owner's Pride i.e. the neighbours will form their opinion of the owner, any which way. Might as well focus on one's own definition of living up to one's own expectations.

Ostracisation is the greatest punishment, when alive

In many ways, death they say, is the ultimate truth (maybe, taxes are the other close competitor!). But, for as long as man has known the world, the end to a human being's life is considered death. I have however, often wondered, what may be the end of the world, while a human being is still around. Based on whatever little I have seen of life till date, I am inclined to believe that ostracisation or the act of deliberate exclusion of a human being from a social circle or a group that he/she was otherwise a regular part of, is the ultimate piece of agony that one can experience when alive. I am convinced that COVID-19, is having the exact same effect on many of us, as ostracisation does. 

There are certain elements associated in getting ostracised that clearly demonstrate its extremity. And those elements are innate to how human beings are configured. For starters, man is a social being and is a function of the associations he/she has with people near and dear to him/her. This social interaction and innate ability to form, develop, nurture, and eventually cherish deep associations with near and dear ones, has a supreme effect on a person's psyche. Generally, they are positive. Such associations are a part of a person's mental configuration, symbolises the types of associations he/she cherishes, and has positive vibes which enter a sub-conscious level.

However, the act of ostracisation, defeats all the above innate elements of a person's social and psychological framework i.e. ostracisation is deliberate, intentional, and extremely pointed. It is akin to a part of a human being's life being taken away, when still alive. This act has immense implications that are highly underrated. Here are a few that I have observed over time:

• The human psyche is not used to disassociation i.e. the social elements of a human being's make up, is not wired to handle disconnection from other humans. 
• The mental make-up of a person finds it hard to justify not being included, or more specifically, excluded by intent in a social group/setting that he/she was always a part of. This usually becomes harder to handle if the ostracisation comes from quarters that a person cherished the most.
• Reasons for getting ostracised are never communicated directly by the party that is engaging in that act. Usually, the ostracisation is done in style, with an extremely polite or impersonal tone, that the aggrieved party (one being ostracised) does not process well at the time.
• Very specific disassociation by a select few, leading to further disassociation by other related parties, tends to impact the psyche even more i.e, a few people may choose to ostracise you for reasons best known to them. But there may be others who see that and extend the same courtesy to you, for reasons not known at all!
• There is absolutely no room for communication, negotiation, discussion, or your point of view being heard, when you are ostracised. It is generally a statement by the party that eliminates you from a group, which has the effect of, 'I am done with you, deal with it!'. Sounds like a movie dialogue, but this tends to be the case, more often than not!

Usually, being ostracised by one's nearest and dearest is what causes the greatest harm on one's psyche. It may be circumstantial. However, the act of ostracisation itself is done with the view to make the dismissed person, feel miserable with his/her life. This is a condition that the human psyche is simply not configured to handle. And the typical response is anger, or retaliation, or some such aggressive act.

Interestingly, no aggressive counteracting measure by the person who is ostracised, is going to help the aggrieved party or anyone else. If anything, aggression is the last thing an ostracised person should to. One needs to be calm, measured, considerate and extremely patient. Diversion of spare time (that would have otherwise been spent with the erstwhile cherished group that one was a part of) into more productive areas is a clear act of coping with ostracisation. Getting busy with life is another clear act of dealing with the excruciating feeling of ostracisation from one's social circle/group. Developing new approaches or interests to life helps cope with being dismissed. 

These options are easier to write about, than to do. But, since one cannot and does not control what other people do on this planet, the only option left is to control oneself and find coping mechanisms to deal with ostracisation. I am not entirely sure about seeking medical help, but that perhaps depends on the extremity of the impact on a person from such ostracisation.

In the last 15 months of extreme and deliberate disconnect from the real world, I have come to realise that ostracisation has its many forms. The post COVID-19 world is a hyper-connected world. But, even now, the human psyche is not configured to replace social interaction or social inclusiveness, with a gadget or an app. That, should explain what the impact of ostracisation in normal times or in extreme times, may mean.

The race for the external certificate

We clearly live in a world of hyper-competitiveness, when most people are trying to prove that he/she is the best in the world. Fair enough, but I often wonder if being number one is the only metric that matters. It is the race for this external certificate that has created a risk in the modern world, which most of us need to guard against. 

In a world of 7+ billion people, living across ~195 countries, it is but natural for people to want to stand out from the crowd and get noticed. It is almost inevitable that the front pages of media magazines get the most attention. And it is nearly impossible that in such a competitive world, anything except being numero uno, will get noticed.  With short attention spans, number one draws the maximum attention.

But, in my eyes, the race for this external certificate is a massive man-made disaster in the making. It creates divide. It creates class differentiation. It can easily have a negative effect on the folks who did not make it to the top. That title of number one can easily work to the detriment of a human being. Sadly, many of us have seen this happen way too often - let's examine a few examples.

Somebody gets passed over for a promotion, despite trying their hardest. Or, somebody else makes it to a top university while the other who might have tried equally hard, did not. Or, somebody gets to scale heights unimaginable in their profession, while others, who may be equally talented and deserving, do not get there. In other instances, class rankings and highest grades are another instance of the same risk.  Winning a debate or quiz competition creates divide. It's endless, the way we create this divide.

The root cause in each of the above examples, is the validation of an external certificate or recognition for an effort. Outcomes proven to the world. Great achievements, for the folks who made it, but it really has an enormous impact on many others. I am not psychologist, but there has to be a scientific/psychological reason for this. i.e. what do we get, by proving that someone or something made it to the top? Is it the only measure of success? Shouldn't we aspire to have a more balanced world, with greater equanimity, equality, equal distribution of wealth and power, more informed dialogue, or more peace? What does any external validation of someone being numero uno, ever contribute to any of these world outcomes?

Think of the same competitive spirit manifesting itself in the world of sport. It is understood so differently there. Even before a game starts, the viewer knows that one of the teams/players will win, and the other won't. Thus, when we see post-match interviews, one absolutely understands the emotion of the team/player that did not win the game on the given day. Just as we equally celebrate the winner! This is acceptable, understood and even expected, in the world of sport. We have all watched a game or two where the vanquished was celebrated for his/her herculean effort to win. Bjorg-McNroe Wimbledon finals in 1981, the South Africa v Pakistan cricket world cup semi-final in 1999, or the New Zealand v England final in 2020, to name a few. What I have failed to understand is, how the same mental conditioning is fundamentally absent in our minds, when it comes to other spheres?

Getting to number one is a sign of many things coming together such as hard work meeting opportunity, getting the appropriate recognition, and the supreme ability to be at the right place at the right time. Given the number of such elements that have to work in tandem in order for anything or anyone to succeed, it is almost natural for these elements to align themselves to a select few human beings. And therefore, it is of no consequence for any of us to feel inferior to anyone. The stars are aligned, as they say, only for a select few. But that is not permanent either.

Times change, circumstances change. And what is number one today will not be number 1 tomorrow. Let's drill into this a bit, mathematically.

The root of the competitiveness of getting to number one is just that i.e. there is only one spot at the top. It therefore means, by sheer probability and mathematical logic, that only one thing, entity or person can be numero uno. And such a spot is earned by a combination of the many elements described above, and that combination will not land on all 7+ billion people in the world. How I wish it did! Therefore, the only reasonable possibility for any human being is to try to be the best version of what they can be.

In closing, number one is a man-made definition of success. It overrides any other metric known to mankind. But, let us remember, that human evolution is a series of experiments by numerous other people, who never made it to number one. In this harsh corona-world, let us learn to appreciate each other for what we are and what we can do. Rather than, measuring another person purely based on the world's perception or definition of his/her success. As in sport, let us try to be the best version of ourselves. I am confident than it will help in human and world progress.

Success vs. the Perception of Success

For the longest time that I can remember, success was directly correlated to the title a person had. However, over time, the most important lesson for me has been learning to differentiate between success and the perception of success.

In terms of pedigree, one generally tended to get hooked on to the fancy newspaper headlines that carried the front-page news of top business school graduates landing plum jobs in different companies. That sure was convincing and had a drawing power that has its way of playing on the mind of people in their most impressionable age (teens). 

I have been a victim to these fancy headlines too (in my teens). More than anything else, these headlines made one believe that the definition of success was highly correlated to making those headlines. And doing anything else or anything less, is not going to be good enough. Or, for that matter, someone who went overseas early in life and got into some place with high pedigree was the be-all and end-all of a career. Absolutely nothing wrong with those outcomes and one is genuinely happy for the folks who get there, except for one thing.

These fancy headlines or great pedigrees do not provide an assessment of what you are good at, individually i.e. the difference between success and the perception of success.

In my experience and understanding (after many trials & tribulations), success is actually the exact opposite of what one sees in these newspaper headlines i.e. success is innate, personal, very individualistic, extremely arduous, and can never be a replica of someone else. The greatest design deficiency with the newspaper headlines and the fancy pedigrees that one sees all around is that there are no measures or indicators of whether they are cut out for your individual profile. Or, for that matter, whether that success that we see or are sold, is our definition of success i.e. what is good for someone else, need not be true for you. There is a fairly deep level of analysis, self-introspection, judgement and balance that is barely captured by the media.

To a large extent, I believe that success can only come to a person if one identifies one's areas of strength,, can hopefully get corresponding opportunities to match those areas of strength, and work harder than anyone else to maximize that opportunity. That is easier said than done and is a time-consuming process. There are so many things that need to fall in place for this thing called success to even occur in the way that you define it (and not somebody else's!) - opportunity, skill development, timing, good orientation, mentoring, patience, the incredible ability to digest failure and not fall by the wayside, learning, unlearning, and not repeating fundamental mistakes. 

We are generally not geared to handle all those things all at once. Hence, the folks who grab the newspaper headlines (i.e. perception of success) are not an indicator of what you can do. At best, one can (and should), draw inspiration from success stories, and see what attributes one can apply into one's own sphere.

For e.g. Rahul Dravid, my inspiration/role model (and arguably the greatest no.3 cricket batsman ever), once famously said that he enrolled for the Indian Chartered Accountancy (CA) programme as a back-up to his cricketing career. As soon as he opened the first chapter in his book, he redoubled his efforts in cricket! More importantly (and this is the crux), once he identified what he was absolutely a champion in, he gave it his all. And the results are there for the cricketing world to see! If only more number of us were able to synthesize our skills and definition of success as magically as the great man did!

One of the greatest quotes I have read also comes from the great Dravid. He once said, 'I  think we judge talent wrong. What do we see as talent? I think I have made the same mistake myself. We judge talent by people's ability to strike a cricket ball. The sweetness, the timing. That's the only thing we see as talent. Things like determination, courage, discipline, temperament, these are also talent'. That should seal the debate on what is success and what is the perception of success.

I genuinely wish this area of differentiating between success and perception of success is taught in school and college. The pain of wrongfully interpreting the perception of success as real success has a vast impact on the psyche, mental balance, overall personality and potentially one's outlook towards life. I have even seen folks go through depression when their perception of success did not happen in their career. Reorienting oneself to our strengths and opportunities on a constant basis, is one of the most enduring pillars of succeeding on one's own terms. That is barely taught in our younger days. 

No wonder we see the emergence of mental health as a complete new industry these days. That needs a separate blog of its own at some point.

The natural simplicity of being a Bangalorean!

For a while now, I have been living in other locations and internationally, as a part of my professional journey. Some of these journeys were planned, most of them were unplanned. But the more I live in places apart from home, the more I understand how much Bangalore shaped me - and, that is not restricted to professional skills alone. 

Bangalore always taught me to have a simple life and be simple at heart. And simplicity was a part of everyday life, without having to make an effort. To begin with, the extraordinary charm of breakfast options at some of the most iconic local vendors in my neighbourhood is just one example (fancy hotels are no match!). Or, indeed celebrating my birthday with only a samosa, a piece of a cake, a Pepsi (perhaps the most modern drink back then!) and a few friends around, in a traditional place like Nilgris! Or, discussing with friends about the cricket columns in The Hindu newspaper by that fabulous sports journalist R. Mohan, or, the tennis columns in the same newspaper by Nirmal Shekhar. Or, writing (and receiving) very long letters to (from) cousins and a couple of very dear friends. Still remember the time when I received an international mail, and the postman told me that there is a foreign stamp on it for my collection! Or, having an hour long conversation with friends, after class on campus. 

Simple, quite simply, was the essence all around and part of everyday life. I am convinced that it was also because of the time available at that time, which allowed many of the above experiences. Not to mention the fact that there were very few distractions that were available, which enabled simplicity so naturally. Progress is phenomenal, but wonder if simplicity is as natural as it used to be - a bit unsure.

Bangalore also taught me how people from so many walks of life can co-mingle and co-exist peacefully. That may be true of other places too, but one felt a certain warmth, affinity, and inclusiveness in Bangalore. To some extent, and in a very strange yet significant way, this peaceful co-existence and affinity was possibly because of the nature of that era in Bangalore i.e. our generation is the last generation that grew up without a gadget in our hand. We, therefore, have that innate ability to converse. Deep, engaging conversations with people who matter to us, irrespective of any irrelevant, man-made classifications. Half-jokingly, the ability to have long conversations is a lot like Test cricket - deep, impactful, memorable, and truly treasured for the ages! :) Call me a connoisseur ;)

It is hard to explain this natural simplicity in a modern world of WhatsApp/Signal messages or Zoom calls for virtual bonding. And the sheer variety of regular places that offered this natural simplicity in their character and design i.e. one hardly thought of ambience, customer experience, discount coupons, or any of the commercial freebies of today. Places that immediately come to mind are - India Coffee House, CTR, Lalbagh walks, Nilgris, Corner House, Vidhyarthi Bhavan, Chit Chat, a walk along the boulevard at MG Road , Rangashankara, Ravindra Kalakshetra, Chowdiah Hall, etc! I once entered a newspaper office (Deccan Herald/The Hindu - don't remember exactly), and I thought I had been transported back a 100 years looking at those office layouts! But they had some of the most celebrated journalists you can think of, who wrote, deep, meaningful articles - aah, how I miss the Sunday edition of The Hindu and its supplement! Class apart!

There is one other angle about Bangaloreans of my time that goes relatively unnoticed. We are the last generation that were fortunate to see the last leg of the traditional, laid back, pensioner's paradise/garden city. Long before the tectonic changes arrived and the meteoric rise of the city as a global technology hub hit us. But, clearly, to this day, I am convinced that having our roots in that old guard, and having seen the changes in the city unfold right before us, makes me highly appreciative of how this great city shaped my fundamentals for life ahead. And helps appreciate the values of being simple, forever!

Will always be a simple Bangalorean at heart! Quite no place like home!

Perform, to keep people quiet

For eons, I have been told about the million things that I am incapable of doing. In the 'expert' opinion of people who offered this free, unsolicited advise, either I am not talented enough, or at other times, I am plain lazy and not committed enough. My only response to these people (and there are more than a handful of them), has been a combination of sheer rage inside of me, followed up by that famous word in the modern world - performance.

I have lost count of the number of times I was told, are you a real accountant? When my answer initially was that of a finance professional (MBA-Finance), and later on, a Cost & Management Accountant, I was told those are not good enough. Sure, I fully understand that those qualifications are not certified by the Government of India as authorized signatories to financial statements, as statutory or external auditors are. But what did people mean when they said that I was not a real accountant? Did they care testing me on any of my subjects? Did they operate on hearsay? Most of them were non-finance people, who knew precious little about what it takes to do any of those excruciating professional programs. But, the barrage continued and was endless. I was luckily self-motivated enough and fortunate enough to go and do a US CPA. And become the only Indian with a US CPA in a global department of 150 people across 45 countries - the other 5 who have that CPA are Americans (see last 3 lines of this blog too). Now, the same people who had their freebie-opinions about me earlier, had nothing to tell me. The only way to close the gap between their lips, is to perform. 

At other times, I was told by some people, 'why are you struggling in India and not going abroad'? This was in my early 30s, when I had about a decade's work experience.  In my mind and heart, I was perfectly ok in India, around my own ecosystem, experiencing an economy that was growing at 8%, getting varied opportunities in every part of the country (Gurgaon, Noida, Chennai, Hyderabad, Mumbai) and actually seeing growth for myself. Further, I am truly Indian at heart and completely Bangalorean by configuration/design. I loved every second of my time in my own place. Obviously, some people did not like that. One senior citizen even told me this, 'It is rare to see youngsters love India these days, refreshing to see you' (I guess that was a rare compliment!). Yes, in another blog, I had written that my US MBA plans bombed, but that never meant I was not ok in India. But, the unsolicited opinions continued to flow, and I did not respond for a long time. Until, there was a point where it pays to have young blood in your veins and I unleashed what was on my mind to those people. And in no small measure. Have never seen them since (thankfully so!). 

To their credit, the people who were asking me about why I wasn't abroad yet, were influenced by their trips to different countries, as a tourist. They appeared to be eminently dazzled by the foreign land. But, what I found (and still find) ridiculous is how and why people are incapable of understanding that a young person is fully and eminently capable of loving his own country. Also, none of those people had the fundamental understanding that an opportunity needs to present itself to go abroad. Their children went abroad in the late '90s - good for them. Why was I wronged to be in India, to love India and to indeed be at peace and live happily in my own place? And, for added measure, I do not belong to the 'fraternity of people' who spend lakhs of rupees on immigration consultants to emigrate. Yet again, performance was my greatest friend. I got transfers - to the US and later to Germany. And for my own pride, I was sent abroad in a world-class IT MNC (not a random shop) i.e. I did not ask for a transfer. And no, I did not need any immigration consultant to 'make my documents' - I was given the professional opportunity to gracefully emigrate, with 100% company-sponsorship. Perform, and grab the chance when you get it, based on your merit.  It will automatically close the space between the lips of people who talk needlessly.

Undoubtedly, my greatest friend has been performance and focus. It has not and will not be an easy professional ride, and has not or will not be perfect either - whether at home or abroad. But, I have learnt that the only way I can keep noise out of my life, especially when it is unsolicited, is to perform with laser focus. Try to do what I know and what I think I know, to the best of my ability. And leave the rest to destiny. As Dravid said, 'I am not as talented as other cricketers, but I can work harder than anybody in the game'. And like in test cricket (which is the framework for my life), put in the hard yards, stay at the crease, and the runs will flow. Do not target a triple century, just do your job. In doing this, if you are wearing the India jersey, whether you are in Bangalore, or in Philadelphia,  or in Frankfurt, you are doing your country proud! That is an irresistible and exhilarating feeling, that is unmatched. Let the unsolicited advice keep flowing i.e. I can keep feeling exhilarated of being Indian, wherever I am!