The nonsense of comparisons

For as far back as I can remember, comparisons have been a part of my life. What is worse, I never actually knew that I was quite affected by it, till I decided never to be crushed by that force.

And what a force it was. Comparisons of exam scores of friends in school, comparisons of cousins who went abroad, and so on. It was an endless spree of comparisons, almost anywhere I went or anyone I met early on. Sadly, despite fully understanding the incredible power of comparisons to crush a person's psyche, I never did anything about it for a long time.  

Comparison no.1 - the earliest comparison that I experienced was people in the late '90s/early 2000's, telling me to move to the US. Nobody gave me a basis as to why I needed to go abroad when I was perfectly fine and happy at home. Nor did I analyse further. The closest to receiving any basis back then, was that my sister had married and moved to the US. So, it is only logical that I should get there too. It never occurred to anyone (or me) engaging in these comparisons, that my background, my interests, my professional profile, and indeed my stage in life at the time, was tremendously different from hers. I ended up applying to top US MBA programmes, only to discover that not one of them ever gave me an interview call.  I drowned in confidence. I despaired. I even didn't know what else to do. This US MBA was supposed to be the passport to a glorified life. Little did I realise, that my skills were never in doing those fancy MBAs. Hell, it was so bad that I left my Chartered Accountancy course, to go after the pipe dream of a US MBA, without ever analysing my own strengths. It took me a circuitous route to get into my own area (currently, internal audit), and in a different way I am happy I touched strategy, consulting, research and analysis and other areas before landing up in my own core domain. Lesson learnt - listen to advise, and ignore them if they have no basis (doesn't matter WHO is giving you that advise). 

Comparison no.2 - it is important to do well in life and become somebody. While this may sound tremendously motivating and inspiring, it is the tone in which this line is stated, that makes a difference. When done professionally, with the right intent and with the true spirit of excellence, I don't think anyone has a problem with such lines. But, when the same thing is stated with the subtleties of sarcasm, or is embedded with laces of comparison that you are a nobody, or has some level of underlying judgement that you are currently not good enough, the same line takes a complete different meaning. Sadly, for me, I faced the latter, from multiple people. It needed a tremendous amount of distilling of the intent of such advice to learn who meant well, and who didn't. Lesson learnt again - distil advise, but more importantly read tone of such advise correctly - not everyone means well.

Comparison no.3 - I did my ICWA and then my US CPA much later in life, when I was 35+. I never had an issue with it. My wife and parents motivated me more than I ever could ask for. I almost didn't have to do it, as I had the so-called good job in hand, was travelling countries, had an international assignment etc. Looks good from the outside, right? But, I was the only one on the planet who knew that I never should have written those US MBA exams in my 20s and only ever did it because of the nonsensical comparisons around me. I knew I always had wanted to do the top most accounting and finance professional qualifications out there. But the questions continued well into my 30s - why ICWA and CPA now? Isn't it late? What benefit will it give you? The people who compared, kept saying the same things, albeit in a more circumspect way, as I was now 35+ and supposedly adult. But, their underlying tone was as constant (and this time, discernible), as it was in the late '90s. Thankfully, this time, I did not bother listening to any advise. Lesson learnt - do things for the sheer passion of doing it, especially if the only certificate you ever want is the certificate to prove things to yourself and to keep your head high. Really, nothing else matters in professional life.

After all these experiences (there are many, many more), I am convinced that comparisons are the greatest bane to a person's confidence. What one person can do, is never a template for what any other person can do. The only possibility is for one to learn from the other, even if the other is better than oneself - absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, to deviate from the fundamentals of who you are, that too professionally, and listening to the nonsense of comparisons, will only work to one's detriment. I can only think of my idol, Rahul Dravid who said in an interview, 'It is easy to be dazzled by Tendulkar at the other end of the pitch and to see what he does, but one should not forget what one can do'. Or, as Harsha Bhogle famously said, 'I cannot do what Tendulkar does and he cannot do what I can do'. I am thankful I suffered the nonsense of comparisons in my 20s, and had time to fix it - more a necessity than anything else. Lessons learnt for life - listen to advice, but if it makes no sense, do not bother.